exhale

Sometimes I imagine that there are these invisible shit missles.. and they launch off at diffrent times of the day... the worst part is.. My name is written all over them.. so when they land.. I get shitted on... yeah.. that's how it feels sometimes.. I'm not this like EMu or whatever the fuck they call them but.. times are tuff and I'm trying to Hold strong.. I know its a challenge, I know its a part of life, but JUST FREAKING ONCE!! JUST ONCE.. I want a day with no bullshit, no bad shit happening, no big bills I gotta pay.. no drama from my ex, no worrying about how i'm gonna make it till the next payday.. I just wanna be cool.. just have a cool ass day.. I don't want no fucked up calls from my mom who enables the enabler.. I don't want to hear it...
last night I took a drive.. its been awhile since I put the top down and just jump on the freeway.. I love it.. I missed it... Drivin... music blaring... so loud that I feel it... everything.. the lyrics, the beat... the speed, the wind, I feel it all .. and its feels good...
I won this free night stay at this resort in Santa Cruz.. never used it... but I want to... I'm thinking just pick a weekend where its payday... make sure the kids are cool and take a trip BY MYSELF.. But Santa Cruz isn't far enough... I seriously wanna go to LA and visit my cousin Elgin.. he's like my older brother.. we've been HELLA tyte since we were bebe kids... and, I miss him.
I FUCKING LOVE THAT DRIVE.. going to LA.. my favorite... leave at 2am get on the 5 burn one..play whatever melts my butter ... and jus GOOOOO...
go till I disappear... and come back when I feel like I can breath again...
That.. or HAWAII.. OH GAWD I MISS HAWAII.. my heart hurts every time I think about it... cuz I could literally chill at the beach watch and listen to the waves go in and out... I want to do that.. I want to go to Hawaii.. go to Waimea HELLA early in the morning.. jump off the Big rock... swim, chill, eat, smoke, drink... exhale and cry my eyes out... just let out everything there let it all out.. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO DO THIS... FOR MY OWN SANITY..